Just looked at the date of my last blog. Wow, it’s been a while. A lot has been happening in my life, most of it good stuff!
Sometime during the Christmas holiday I had a moment of realization. In March, I will be 50 years old. I realized that I’ve spent my entire adult life struggling to cope with and overcome my childhood. Nearly every interaction I’ve had with others has in one way or another been a by-proxy attempt to fix the past.
I’ve taken a lot of abuse from a lot of people, repeating the same scenarios, just with different people, all of which come out the same as they originally did, because I’m trying to be someone people want me to be, just like before, rather than being me and saying “no” when I should, protecting myself.
Turning 50 is definitely a milestone in a person’s life, for me it’s definitely time to make some changes. It’s said when you turn 50 you have the last third of your life before you. It’s time to focus on my happiness, family, the things I enjoy and to stop being so concerned with the feelings and issues of others and to stop reliving the past by trying to change something that can’t be changed.
After having this epiphany I decided I wanted to find something to do that I would enjoy and could share with others.
I’ve started working with homemade cold porcelain air-dry clay. I’m greatly enjoying experimenting with this craft. I’m able to use some of the beads and jewelry findings I had left over from jewelry making a couple of years ago. Since I’m just learning about this clay and how to work with it, I’ve made some medallions for necklaces so far.
I’ve also decided it’s time to stop taking crap from people in my life. Cutting some ties that probably should have been cut a long time ago, seems like the appropriate thing to do, since I’m looking for some release from the past and a new chapter in my life.
I’m tired of passive-aggressive nonsense, tired of manipulation, tired of being expected to tolerate all kinds of inconsiderate behavior. I’ve said, many times before, that it was time to make a change, but I always fall back into old patterns. I just can’t allow that to happen any longer. People seem to expect me to be an infinite well of tolerance and understanding, even when they are not always able or willing to understand or tolerate others. I’m also tired of people who only want me in their lives when they need something from me, otherwise they are too busy to take a moment to send an email, make a phone call, etc.
I declare 2014 the year of my happiness.