Over the course of the last couple years I’ve gotten to know a young woman who is the daughter of a long time friend of ours. About a year ago she moved out with her boyfriend, the father of her kids, now her husband, for the first time away from her family, “on her own.”
Almost immediately upon moving out she started complaining that she was struggling, she had a toddler, was trying to organize her apartment, didn’t have transportation and had to take her toddler everywhere with her because she couldn’t get anyone to babysit. She complained about her siblings excluding her from things, her family ignoring her pleas for help, not coming to visit her, etc.
My husband and I tried to help her out the best we could, gave her a lot of household items, stopped to visit and see her new apartment. I offered to listen, when she needed to vent, tried to be encouraging and to share my life experiences with her, so she understood what she was experiencing was not unique and it was possible to overcome these struggles.
During this time a pattern has presented itself and the nature of her complaints demonstrate a lot of immaturity, a lack of preparedness for what it means to live independently of one’s parents, to take personal responsibility for one’s life.
I see others sharing similar experiences with young people in their lives. A friend of mine has shared with me that her 33 year old son will not talk to the landlord, won’t make calls to make payments, etc. He expects her to do those types of things. He’s not able to be responsible for generic things that need to be taken care of as an adult.
I know a lot of young people who have no idea about budgeting, about prioritizing, about fiscal responsibility. They make bills, debts, and think that the people and companies they owe money to should understand their situation and make exceptions for them, that others should care about their kids, their family issues, rather than payment of their debts.
There are a lot of people who were not, are not prepared to live independently, responsibly as adults.
I don’t generalize all younger people, not a whole generation, because there are very responsible young people who are more mature than some older folks I know, but there definitely are some young folks who do not have the skill set, the maturity to live on their own.
I suspect they’ve been coddled and spoiled by parents who decided it was easier to just do things themselves rather than teach their kids to do them.
This idea that everyone should be understanding of your issues is not how life works. People, businesses, landlords, etc., don’t have a responsibility to accept your excuses, to make you a priority over their needs, your kids are not the concern of people around you. When you move out on your own, you are responsible for your debts, your kids, maintaining employment, transportation, etc., no one else is obligated to take care of those things for you, or to drop everything and come to your aid whenever you stumble.