About a month ago our neighbor invited us to his cookout. He’s 35, his friends are all in their early 30’s and they are coworkers. His father and step mother attended, it was a nice cookout. They are all drinkers, so after about an hour or so they were feeling pretty good.
One of the young men sat across the table from me, beside my husband and told me he remembered seeing me sitting in the grass hand weeding along the fence. Women his age, in his experience, wanted to be pampered, taken care of, didn’t help out with yard work, things around the house. He said women his age would never think about mowing the grass or pulling weeds. He’d seen me tending my gardens and such, and knowing I had health issues he really admired me.
As the afternoon went on he kept telling me I had to be a hottie in my day. I was so embarrassed. No one but my husband had ever expressed something like that. I’d always been overlooked as a teenager, had a lot of crushes on boys my age, but never had a date, a boyfriend, until my husband, and I was 19.
AT one point he turned to my husband and said, “I hope you know what you have and appreciate it.” He said he did know and did appreciate it. Then this young man said, “Okay, I’m just going to come right out and admit it to you, I have a crush on your wife.”
He just went on and on about how he’s looking for a woman like me, someone that believes in being a partner, sharing responsibilities. I cried. He said, “aww, you don’t have to cry.” He was so sweet. I explained that I don’t have a positive view of myself, with my disability, not being able to contribute much, that it meant a lot to hear someone acknowledge what I do.
Our neighbor came up behind my chair and kissed me on the top of my head. When we were leaving the cookout that young man hugged me.
The whole experience made me feel so good about myself. I have a hard time seeing myself as having value. I often feel unappreciated, taken for granted. That kind sentiment did more for me than he would know.
Diary of an Emotional Wreck 