Several times over the years my husband has come to me saying a co-worker asked him how he stays with me, after I became disabled and subsequently gained so much weight. I can’t understand why he thinks he must tell me about this every time.
I’m terribly insecure about being disabled, obese, being mobility limited. He knows this. I stress a lot about not wanting to be a burden, to contribute and do what I can to feel productive, then he feels the need to keep telling me his co-workers can’t understand why he stays with me.
When I explain to him how that makes me feel he says it’s not about you, they are complimenting my character. WHAT?
I ask him what he’s telling them, he is vague in answering, but their comments make me wonder how bad he’s portraying his situation.
I asked him, do you tell them how I hurt myself trying to take care of things so your home is nice, and you don’t have to when you get home from work? Do they know I force myself to adapt and do all the housework? Do they know that, even while using a wheelchair, I serve(d) you dinner in your recliner with your feet up every day? Do they know you sit on your behind and watch me struggle to complete housework chores while crying from the pain? Do they know I have to ask you three or four times to help with taking out garbage or recycling and often still end up doing it myself? Do they know I have to do everything to take care of our pets… feed, water, clean litter box, clip toenails, groom, walk the dog all but on the weekends? Do they know I shovel the sidewalk and the parking area so you don’t have to come home and do it, at great personal risk and severe pain that lasts for days afterward?
I’m sure they have no idea how hard I work to mitigate my disability, my limitations.
Why is it representative of his character that he stays with me through all of this, when husbands and wives take vows to support one another through sickness and in health? Isn’t this what spouses do? If you love someone, you stay with them, help them, support them, take up the slack when they need to take it easy?
It almost feels like he needs to remind me that at any time he could be gone, that others would leave, that he’s doing some charitable act by staying with me.
Please tell me how you’d feel were this your situation.