I came across this, The Smear Campaign – Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse, link posted on Facebook earlier today.
It occurred to me today, as I read the article linked to above, that I have been the target of a well orchestrated smear campaign initiated by my sister-in-law. All of the ill feelings and misconceptions of my nieces and mother-in-law can be traced back to revisionist history and fabrications of my sister-in-law.
She’s concocted a lot of stories, painting herself as a victim, a pathetic figure who has been hurt by her exes and her own children; neglected by her mother; mistreated by her friends, coworkers etc., with the purpose of seeking sympathy. We allowed ourselves to believe what she was telling us, even when we had suspected what she was telling us was either not true or exaggerations.
When some of the people in her life caught on to what was happening, she had to protect her own ego, had to protect herself and told them it was me who was saying the things she’d been saying, it was me making all that stuff up, trying to hurt her, to turn people against her. For reasons I will never understand, because these people knew me, we were close at one time, they believed her.
If one thinks about it, smear campaigns are only successful if people hearing rumors and negative talk about others don’t bother to try to get all the information, don’t bother to learn both sides of the story before accepting what they’re being told and then following through by reacting to the smears.
The situation with my husband and his mother on Christmas is a direct result of his mother being unwilling to listen to his side of the situation with his sister. She’s told him she doesn’t want to hear it, doesn’t want to be in the middle of it, yet she listens to what his sister tells her, then speaks for his sister by trying to reach out to him to guilt him into reconciling with her again, effectively letting her hurt and abuse him and his family, then allowing her to do it over and over again.
Perhaps the lesson, the take away from this article and topic is that we shouldn’t allow others to manipulate our emotions, feelings. We should never take someone’s word about who another person is, what they’ve done or said. We never can fully know what the motivations of the person who is negatively talking about others is.